What the experts say

'MAKING REWARDS WORK' by Dr Elizabeth Kilbey (October 2008)

OUR EXPERT: Dr Elizabeth Kilbey is a child psychologist and regularly appears on the BBC's House of Tiny Tearaways. She is also currently a consultant to Kinder, the leading kid's confectioner, who have recently conducted research into rewards and how mum's feel about the way they reward their children. Interestingly the research showed that 52 percent of parents do use rewards following good behaviour, while 48 percent confessed that used treats to stop children misbehaving.

Here Elizabeth gives her top tips on how best to use rewards.

THE THREE R's
Rewards are such an important part of children's lives. Children are not born knowing how to behave well. They have to learn this skill just like most other things in their life. Rewards are a great way of communicating to your child about how you want them to behave and when you are pleased with their actions. When it comes to rewards, I like to think in terms of the 3 R's Rewards: to be effective give rewards soon after a behaviour has occurred and make sure your child knows why they are being rewarded. Vary your rewards as much as possible and don't forget that hugs, kisses, praise and even 1:1 playtime are some of the best rewards you can give your child.
Relationships: reinforcing your child's positive behaviour through affection and praise not only builds their self-esteem but also helps strengthen the relationship between you and your child.
Responsibility: giving your child sensible, appropriate and varied rewards teaches them to take responsibility for their own behaviour and to make wise choices for themselves in the future.

HOW TO PLAY WITH YOUR CHILD
As we get older we forget lots of things and one of them is how to play. What this means is that when our children say "will you play with me", we often find it really hard to play with them. Here are a few tips: a) First make sure you are ready to play. Turn off all distractions and have your toys or games ready. b) Be clear about how long you are going to play together for. 10 minutes per day is a good starting point. c) One of the most important things to remember is to let your child lead the play. d) To help build their imagination skills encourage them to develop the game, but they may need a little help from you. You can make suggestions but let them make the choices. e) Try to avoid asking too many questions (and if you take a moment to listen I bet you will be surprised at how many questions you ask). f) Instead of asking questions you can comment on what you and your child are doing together, for example "we are building a really tall tower", or "the cars are racing round the track". At first you may feel silly doing this but if you can carry on with your describing it is an excellent way to develop your child's language skills and motor and social development. Plus from my experience children absolutely love to know that you are paying such close attention to their play.

HOW TO USE REWARDS

Using rewards and reinforcers are a great way of managing your child's behaviour and communicating to them when you are pleased with their attitude or efforts. But for rewards to be really effective there are some important tips to follow. Star charts are a great example of a reward system but they can be harder to implement than you would think. First involve your child in drawing up the chart and get them to help design and colour it in. Then choose two or three things that you really want to focus on or change. Remember to keep it simple and very specific, for example brushing their teeth each morning, making their bed or doing their homework each night. For younger children you could have using the toilet or potty. Don't make it too vague, like 'being good' or 'playing nicely with a sibling', because it is very hard for your child to know when they have achieved this and earnt their star. Another important principle is that star charts work on positive reinforcement. Children can earn stickers or starts but not lose them, even if they behaviour deteriorates. If they don't achieve their target they have a gap on their chart, never a negative sign such as a cross or a sad face. Star charts are also most likely to be effective over a short period of time, such as two to three weeks. After that time you may need to change the goals or targets.

MANAGING DIFFICULT BEHAVIOUR
Children of all ages can show difficult or challenging behaviours at times. Finding the best ways to manage these can be tough and often frustrating. One of the most important and often most difficult things to do is to stay calm. Children are very good at picking up on your mood or feelings and staying calm will help to de-escalate situations more quickly and help you to think more clearly and stay in control. Tantrums or bad behaviour are best handled before they build out of control. So be alert for your child's early warning signs that their behaviour is becoming difficult. At the first sign of trouble act quickly to try and distract or divert them. Move their attention on to something else or get them involved in a different activity. Anything that might break the cycle of bad behaviour. If this fails and the behaviour is building them you may need to use your ignoring skills. Use your whole body to turn away from your child; do not make eye contact and definitely no talking. Keep ignoring them until their behaviour begins to reduce, and then you can return your attention to your child. The main principle of ignoring is that children often use their behaviour as a way of gaining attention (even negative attention) and so by ignoring them you give no attention to their behaviour, meaning that over time it will reduce. Ignoring is not easy and may require both practice and will power but trust me it does work.

'TOP TIPS TO SURVIVE THE FIRST 12 MONTHS WITH TWINS' by Jo Tantum, Sleep Specialist and Twin Expert (September 2008)

Well firstly - CONGRATULATIONS ON HAVING TWINS! - although there will be challenging times ahead there is nothing more magical than TWO babies smiling, gurgling and chatting to each other, and you! Enjoy - It's so worth it! Having one baby seems to take up all your time, so when you have two you really wonder how you ever have the time to get dressed, have something to eat or even get out of the house, maybe you think that you will never achieve any of these things! Well hopefully I can help you with some great ideas and tips that will make life easier and not so overwhelming ,and of course the best bit of all how to achieve more than a couple of hours sleep!

ROUTINES - Essential if you have twins!! Having a routine for twins is a sanity saver for parents. It means that your babies get enough milk, especially during the day when they can sleep for long periods. It also means that you then have some much-needed time for yourself, or other siblings. As your babies will probably be of a low birth weight and very sleepy you will need to feed them every 2 to 2 and half hours (Routines 1 and 2). Then when they reach 7lbs they can go onto a 3 hourly routine (routine 3). Some babies who have been in SCBU will be on a 4 hourly feeding programme, and will need to be put on a 3 hourly feeding pattern as they will not be able to go for 4 hours without a feed when they start getting bigger and more hungry.

My routine rules - *A routine is not a dictator but a guide. *Your routine is flexible and you can make adjustments if and when you need to. You can vary the times by 15 minutes either way. *All my routines are based on babies' natural feeding and sleeping patterns , so you can choose which routine will suit your baby better. This is what a 3 hourly Routine looks like -

Feed 7am ish / Nap 8-8.15; Feed 10am / Nap 11-11.15am; Feed 1pm / Nap 2-2.15 pm; Feed 4pm / Nap 5/5.15 pm - Wake up at 6.15 pm; Feed 7pm; Feed 10.30/11pm.

TOP TIPS FOR ROUTINES

1. Keep a log of babies' feeding and sleeping patterns as well as dirty nappies. That way you can see your babies' progress and if a baby is grizzly you can look at your log and work out if it's constipation, hunger or tiredness.

2. Your babies will be very sleepy so wake them up and change their nappies 15 minutes before a feed.

3. Feed your babies at the same time and put them down for their naps at the same time. This way you will get time inbetween to relax or even get dressed - luxury!

4. If you are breast feeding, feed the smallest baby first. Someone else can feed the other baby with half feed of expressed breast milk and then swop. Or you can alternate which baby has a breast feed at each feed, this way you can bond with each baby. You could also try feeding them together but someone will have to help pass them to you and latch them on.

5. If bottle feeding your twins then you can feed them on a pillow side by side together. Or use two reclining chairs side by side of you while you sit on a cushion in between.

SLEEP - Yes you can still get some with twins!

For at least the first 2 weeks your babies will be very sleepy, which is why it's very important to follow this pattern.

PLAYTIME - FEED - PLAYTIME - NAP.

This pattern means your baby will not associate feeding with going to sleep, which later on will cause SLEEP PROBLEMS. Neither will your baby learn to fall asleep by himself which is a very important lesson for babies to learn - important because it's something they will rely on again and again day-time and night-time to put themselves back to sleep. Babies are capable of one long sleep every 24 hour, which of course you want your baby to take it when you are having your long sleep 11pm - 7am. You can encourage this by waking them for feeds in the daytime and giving them a dream feed around 10.30 - 11pm. Many babies get day and night confusion. Days are about noise, people talking, telephones ringing, radio on and light. Night time is about quiet, whispers and darkness. This way your baby will soon start to wake more in the day and be sleepy at night.

SLEEP TOP TIPS

1. Swaddle your babies day and night, this will help them sleep more and stop them waking themselves by their startle or moro reflex.

2. Put your twins in a moses basket or cot together, they have been together for the last 9 months and have created a bond. You will find that they will in fact comfort and quieten each other, and be oblivious of each other other's crying .

3. Put you babies in a quiet room for daytime naps after the first two weeks, then they will sleep better.

MONEY SAVING TIPS

1. You don't have to buy two of everything. In fact you may even save money. With twins sleeping together you can put them together straight into a cot, so have no need for a moses basket. You will only need one baby bath but I suggest buying two reclining chairs as you will use them a lot especially when feeding.

2. Buy supermarket brand nappies for the daytime and then more expensive absorbent ones for the nights.

3. Borrow as many things as you can off family and friends.

4. Use cotton wool and water rather than harsh expensive wipes.

5. Use olive oil for very dirty nappies and massage.

6. Go on ebay or NCT websites for cheap and second hand equipment.

7. Join a twins club in your area as they will usually have hardly-used equipment and clothes to give away. And they will provide you with much needed support and advice.

OUR EXPERT BIOGRAPHY: JO TANTUM is a SLEEP SPECIALIST and TWIN EXPERT.

You can find more help with twins in Jo's best selling book - 'Baby Secrets' available from Amazon.co.uk and all large bookshops. Jo's website is great for extra advice and personal help. Check it out: www.babysecretsltd.com.

TOP 6 POTTY TRAINING TIPS by Dr. Maggie Redshaw, BA PhD Health Psychology (August 2008)

Your little one's growing up fast. She's mastered walking and is getting more independent by the day, she's started saying her first words and she's a pro at tantrums, too! But there's one more milestone your toddler's got to reach... it's time to start the journey from nappy to potty.

To really get the hang of potty training, child psychologists believe your toddler needs to first understand what it feels like when she's wet. "Your child has to be able to recognise the difference between being wet and dry, so she can understand the cause and effect of going to the toilet, and what having an accident really feels like," explains leading child psychologist Dr Maggie Redshaw.

"Consistency is the key to success with potty training," continues Dr Redshaw. "Once you've chosen a regime, get into a routine and stick to it to avoid confusing your toddler. If she shows any signs of distress about potty training, stop for a few days before trying again. Remember it's a process with many steps, so try not to be impatient. It may take your toddler weeks or months to master going to the toilet on her own but with gentle encouragement and help from you, she'll soon get there."

Because accidents are inevitable at first, Dr Redshaw stresses it's important not to get angry or make a fuss.

Here are her TOP 6 TRAINING TIPS: Although there are no hard and fast rules to potty training, these tips should help make it a little easier

1. GO ON A SHOPPING SPREE

When your tot's around 18 months buy a comfortable, broad-based potty and let her sit on it for fun - before bath time is a good time starting point. Tell her what it's for, and if she does anything in it, give her lots of praise. Never force your tot to sit on the potty though, especially if she seems scared.

2. GET YOUR TIMING RIGHT

Most toddler are ready for potty training some time after their second birthday, but many may be three or even four. Watch for signs she's ready, like copying your toilet habits, showing an understanding of when she's wet and telling you she's been, but don't push her. When you're ready to start explain what you're going to do and maybe read a book together about potty training, to help her understand.

3. BEAR THAT BOTTOM

Start by leaving her training pants off for a while. Try this one morning or afternoon when you're at home, and explain it's because she is learning how to use the potty - have a bare bottom will make it easier for her to get to the potty in time. Sit her on the potty now and then, and praise her if she goes.

4. LITTLE HABITS Try to get into a regular routine of when you sit her on the potty - after each meal is a good starting point. Continue with these sessions and if your child does a poo at more or less the same time every day, get her to sit on the potty at that time, explaining and reminding her what it's for. If her habits aren't regular, watch out for the signs that she's about to 'go' (reddening face, concentrated look, standing still) and quickly put her on the potty.

5. ASK NICELY

Once your tot's familiar with the potty, and using it occasionally, start asking her if he needs to go - but don't nag! Help to increase her sense of independence by reducing the number of times you decide to put her on the potty, encouraging her to tell you when she needs to go.

6. BYE BYE NAPPIES, HELLO POTTY!

When she's clean and dry most days, you can start to use training nappies only at night. She'll probably still have a few accidents, but the extra absorbency will mean no wet beds! Remember it could take another few months before she's totally dry at night.

OUR EXPERT BIOGRAPHY: Dr. Maggie Redshaw is a Developmental and Health Psychologist and has carried out extensive research over many years on pregnancy, childbirth and early child development. She is involved in ongoing studies on women's experience of caesarean section, parenting twins, being a parent of a premature baby, outcomes for babies and children born following treatment for infertility, and psychological adjustment to becoming a parent for the first time.

Potty training related Products' Review:

Pampers Feel 'n Learn training nappies and the Mamas & Papas Squeaka Duck Potty - To read these reviews, please check the page www.londonmums.org.uk/mumtips

'How to travel with a toddler and stay sane!' by Karen Guttridge, mum of three and director of baby and toddler travel company Holiday Tots

On car journeys always factor rest stops into your travel times. It may take longer to get there but toddlers can endure quite long journeys as long as they can have a frequent runabout.

Make up toddler goody bags before you go to be handed out throughout the journey. Simple brown bags filled with small board books, toys and perhaps a snack make a great diversion. For older toddlers make them themed.

Avoid trendy or luxury hotels. Self catering holidays generally provide the flexibility and facilities that suit families with young children. You choose the pace, are not restricted to set mealtimes and have full access to your own kitchen to prepare baby bottles and purees. Your children also have space to run around and there's usually less pressure to keep the noise down.

If your children are all under school age, (and from experience!) make the most of it by travelling during the months of May, June, September and October. Prices will be cheaper, and the resorts will be cooler and less crowded.

Go to a country (perhaps in the Med) where people really like children - the locals will love your baby!

Protect your child's ears on the plane-young children do not usually know how to 'pop' their ears - allow baby to suck on a bottle or toddlers to suck a lolly or similar during take off and landing. Otherwise, screaming - them, not you! - will work.

Author: Karen Guttridge 2008. Karen is a mum of three and director of baby and toddler friendly travel company Holiday Tots www.holidaytots.co.uk

'Helpful tips to ensure kid's teeth remain in great shape over the Easter period' by Dr Henry Clover

Dr Henry Clover, senior dental advisor at Denplan, the UK's leading dental plan provider, has teamed up with specialist children's nutritionist and paediatric dietician, Judy More to create the above tips. To find out more check out the website www.child-nutrition.co.uk.